I have swine flu. I am eating like an oink. I am not sure what it is but what I see must go into my mouth, croissants, pastries, ice lollies, cashew nuts, pizza, bananas...i could go on but I think you understand my predicament. It did not help much when Kirstin taught me the fine art of drinking tea through a twix, yes astonishingly it does work, unfortunately you need a LOT of twix to get through a cup of tea! Of course with all the input I then have to ensure a certain amount of output and so I found myself walking home in blizzard like conditions in the dark, to ensure that the Twix does not find its way to my ass, especially because the pastries already have.
Now Jess did have the H1N1 virus - and that would have been rather handy to contract. With H1N1 you CANT eat, I reckon they call it s-w-i-n-e flu to reduce the street cred's of the marvelous side effect of the virus. If everyone knew that you could lose up to 3 kg's (ask Jess) not many people would be buying anti bacterial wipes now would they? Of course I kept a safe distance from Jess, using my polo neck jersey as a barrier - she was not impressed but in all fairness I had not discovered the merits of swine flu at that stage. In all seriousness though, I did NOT actually want o get sick, shame Jess really was not well but I must point out that considering how contagious it it meant to be, none of us got sick.
Licence my arse
12 hours ago