Catching up with laundry and cleaning the house is boring. My blog provides a satisfying distraction...so I find myself popping onto it, staring at the blank page, feeling guilty and heading back to housework with a duster dangling unenthusiastically from my hand. Why do we have to do housework, wen need houses like those self cleaning ovens...although once everything is done there is a certain satisfaction in sitting down glass of wine in hand and surveying all that has been cleaned. Of course if you do not sit down with that glass of wine double time the place will be a shambles of school bags, text books, shoes and clothes again.
Kirstin finishes primary school tomorrow, I cannot believe that my children will both be in high school come September. Tonight she is in a play, tomorrow is graduation and then she is done. WOW.
As parents we always do the very best we can for our kids. I have always been happy to work half day, stay at home, take on temporary jobs so that I am here for my kids. When they were little motherhood was 24/7 with 4 arms, eyes in the back of your head and endless energy. As they get older and become more independent (especially here in Ireland, I do not even have to drive them to school anymore) my defining role is coming to an end, sure the kids still need me but it is not with the same ferociousness as before. There are new sets of rules to be followed, different forms of punishment, logical arguments and the pressures of exams and friendships. It is still a battlefield, but unlike when they are little, moms cannot use the "kiss it and make it better" line anymore.
As they become more independent my role needs to change, still a guide but one who sometimes has to let them make a tough decision, or a wrong turn in order to learn a life skill or a lesson.
As a woman I am also coming of age, a realisation that it is also time for me to step up to the plate and have a turn, that my life is not a dress rehearsal and I need to make the most of it.
That by following my dreams I am not doing a disservice to my children, I am in fact hopefully providing a good example. Now if I could just figure out what my dreams and aspirations are...
For now it is back to the vacuum cleaner for a little more cleaning.